I just thought of something. I joined the Camarilla Club 5 years this month. 5 years…I know that may not seem like a great deal of time to some but I haven’t been a part of something for so long since band and choir in school.
5 years in the Cam. And it’s been quite a ride thus far. I remember my first character in the Cam – a delicate little Victorian viper of a Mekhet, as crazy as the day is long and obsessed with dolls. Dear little Dovasary. I loved her. I loved dressing for her. I loved writing for her. I loved researching for her. I loved playing her. Not to say that she wasn’t difficult at times (oh, she was!) but her difficulties made her even more fun. I enjoyed the roundabouts of the Invictus, the titles, the guilds, the lieges. I also got my first taste of being a harpy and fell in love with it. I performed all the offices of a high-ranking Victorian woman and consort to a vampiric Prince – remembering what her lord and master had forgotten, maintaining their household and ghouls, managing missives and announcements, forging alliances, recording boons, and drawing up treaties. Even after Villain was killed, Dovasary kept on. She made mistakes, allowing a new one to master her and make her a prisoner in her own home lest she betray her family again. She loved so many – the ghouls that became as her children (even the one she hated), the one who became her lover-comfort, the man who had served her unquestioningly and unrequitedly for decades – yet she understood only one person and longed for him.
When we finally retired the characters, I decided that it was time for Dove’s cracked mind to join Villain and she shattered into a dream. It was a beautiful, heart-wrenching thing, one of my favorite pieces to write. I’ll show you if you like.
In my 5 years, I have taken time off, everyone needs time to detox. A few months to step back, re-evaluate, and decide what I want to do. We came back and Esther Julian (now Montesori) – decadent Daeva that she is – sprang from my mind. The thing that makes Esther near and dear to me is that she is me. Esther is that part of me that terrified me as a young woman because I didn’t know how to deal with her. She was the part of me that I was afraid I couldn’t control and would explode, destroying everything. For the longest, longest time, I feared that dark part of myself more than anything. But I’m not afraid of her anymore. She has her place and has become rather fun. She began as a shallow, throw-away character but has evolved and grown into something I could have never imagined. She has her own weaknesses and fears, things that I never thought that side of me could have, and I love discovering more and more as I play the character. Now, there are times when I have to ‘sit her down’ and have a chat if she’s getting uppity, but, for the most part, I haven’t had this much fun with a character since Dovasary and it took several tries before I found Esther.
All in all, I love being in the Camarilla. In the past few years, I have become part of the domain support staff, helping Ben in his position as the Middlewhere Domain Coordinator. I also write the bimonthly newsletter for the domain, take care of the sites, and make sure that paperwork is in order as best I can. There are times when things are rough and parts that I don’t like but I work through them, step back and take a breather, rant and rave to my hubby, or whatever is required to help me work through it. I also have some wonderful friends and fellow members who help me through when I need it.
This past weekend, I attended my first regional event: GLaRE 2010. I have only ever attended local Games of the Month and one ICC in 2008. But I never attended those events with the express, conscious purpose and goal of not only reconnecting with old friends but also of meeting and rp’ing with new people, making new connections both in-character and out-of-character.
I like to make friends. It’s fun to meet new people, laugh with them, get to know them. I find that I’m very enthusiastic about new friends. I now have to admit that I turn in a giggly, smiling bundle of cute when I make new friends. Ben is amused by me, I know, but it’s fun. He’s pretty good at making friends, too. His way involves initial conversations and if he hits on something that’s interesting to both parties, off he goes and the conversation never ends. I like talking and laughing with folks and I guess I don’t mind being a bundle of cute. Eventually, folks find my deeper sides and often seem pleasantly surprised. At least I hope they are. But I have made some of my best friends recently through gaming and the Camarilla, and all I can do is thank you.
Thank you for encouraging me. Thank you for interacting with me. Thank you for the compliments. Thank you for helping me to found and build up a shaky self-esteem over the years. Thank you for listening when I need an ear. Thank you for kicking my butt when I need it. Thank you for the inspiration. Thank you for the guidance. Thank you for answering my myriad of questions.
Thank you, most of all, for getting to know me.