A Notion of Fear


Cross-posted from my “academic” blog – The Mind’s Vale

studying-watercolor1The day after tomorrow, my summer courses begin. It has been six years since I have undertaken graduate coursework, and I find myself becoming very nervous. I am in a completely different situation now. When I was in college and graduate school, I could devote my full attention to my studies, without work or anything else that necessarily required my attention. I had my hobbies, friendships, and a romantic relationship, of course, but those were choices. Now I am a wife and a mother and those are high demands on my time, whether I like it or not. School must come second, naturally, but it must also be completed. I have five weeks in these two courses and all the expectations that come with graduate work, which will – most likely – include two 20-page papers at the end of this road. Not to mention that those papers will come due right when I am supposed to leave for my anniversary trip with my husband; so, naturally, I will need to finish them early.

So, altogether, this means that I will have to be focused and hardcore AND dependent on others to help me. That last one is not a trait with which I often like to truck. I am very independent and like to do things myself. However, I KNOW that I cannot amuse a toddler AND pay attention to a lecture on video or read dry academic writing and have it sink in to my brain  and memory satisfactorily. At least, not without losing my sanity. So, for five weeks, I will have to be dependent on my husband, my in-laws, and maybe even my friends to help me carve out the necessary time to myself to get my classes done and even to get ahead on my work. To those wonderful people, I say thank you in advance for your help.

I’d also ask ,though, that you keep me accountable with my studies. This is not an option; it is something that must be done, that I will be graded on, and I want to, if anything, push my GPA ever higher. So it will require attention, focus, and hard work on my part. This will not be easy, I am very nervous about being able to do it well, but I will do it.

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