So, today, I did something that absolutely terrified me. I posted some Tweets, three of them actually. Last night, as I lay awake in bed after getting my daughter a drink and settling her back down, I felt a nudge in my back/brain/gut/heart/whatever you want to call it. Ben and I spoke last night about just how heartbroken we feel that people are calling for boycotts of our state. According to the 2014 census, there are roughly 6.597 million people living in the state of Indiana. I understand bold and strong action for what you believe in but how can rally for non-discrimination by calling for the shunning and isolation of an entire state? It just doesn’t compute in my head. It just doesn’t make sense to me.
So, in the middle of the night, I felt that nudge, that insistence to do something, say something. And I had phrases, sentences coalescing in my head, even a hashtag. But I was afraid. I was scared. Terrified. I’ve been watching. I’ve been listening. I was scared about being bold. So I prayed. I laid there in bed and I asked God about it specifically. I asked that, if this was really something I was supposed to do, for it to not let me go. And it didn’t. It didn’t let me go. If anything else, the nudge became more and more urgent, insistent. This was something I had to do, that I needed to do.
I wasn’t been sure, though. Just how many of these thoughts was I to send out into the world, tagged #GiveIndianaGrace? I didn’t know. I also knew thatI wouldn’t know until I began. So I started. I posted one tweet. And then another. And then another. And to say that I waited with fear and trembling would have been accurate, still sort of am, honestly. But, after those three tweets, the urgency lessened and I felt that I was done. I had done what I needed to do. I do not necessarily know why I had to do it, why it had to be me. But I did it, and whatever the result(s) of those tweets will be, it is out of my hands.
I’m not a bold person, at least I don’t consider myself to be. This was way outside of my comfort zone but, as they say, that’s where the growth happens, yes?