The Comfort Struggle


I have been thinking lately — why do I sometimes struggle with being comforted? Why does it feel nigh impossible to just sink into the gentleness of others and let myself fall apart if needed? I have been going through a difficult (even scary) situation of late, but I have been given overwhelming support in it, thank God. However, as I said to my husband the other night, I still struggle to be comforted by that support. I feel it. I acknowledge and am grateful for it. But I feel as though something is missing in my reaction to said comfort.

Why am I not moved to relieved tears by the succor that is being offered to and in defense of me? Why do I feel as though I recognize and appreciate this comfort on a cerebral level but it hasn’t pierced my heart? I feel somewhat heart-numb, like the comfort can come to the moat around my soul’s castle and call out its support and furtherance, but it cannot enter the inner sanctum and be welcomed there. Amidst all the comfort, I still feel alone, even though logically I know that I am not.

I never though that I would struggle with being comforted of all things, with knowing that I am loved and championed. My darling husband gently suggested that maybe the comfort I have received, while good, is not necessarily the comfort I am needing. But I do not know how to reconcile that. I do not know what comfort I do need, how I need to be poured into, how my heart needs to be ministered to. And that hurts as well: being so disconnected from myself (or at least feeling so) that I do not know what it is that would make me feel that comfort down into my bones.

If you are feeling this, too, in whatever moment you are currently standing in, I’m sorry. I don’t have an answer or a fix. But I can tell you that you are not alone in it.

2 thoughts on “The Comfort Struggle

  1. Millie Adams says:

    Melissa, I wish I knew what I can do to assure you that you are loved and cherished m. I don’t know what you are feeling but I do believe it is real. Saying I love you and want to do anything I can to comfort you seems like it is not enough or what you need. I am praying for comfort and assurance that you are a wonderful person and loved so much. Please, dear friend, if you need to be with someone, for any reason or any time, I’m available and willing to do anything you want. You are loved so muchπŸ™πŸ»πŸ™πŸ»πŸ™πŸ»πŸ™πŸ»πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•

    Millie

    • Thank you so much for your kind words, Millie. I assure you that your love and care and comfort mean the world and matter greatly to me. Neither you or anyone else is at fault for how I feel. I appreciate you so. ❀

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