So I got out of bed around 5am, not that uncommon right now as I’m in my 3rd trimester and getting awfully close to having this baby. Having migrated to the couch and watched TV and surfed the internet for a while, I eventually fell asleep again, only to dream. In this dream, one of my many cousins and I were in the house that I grew up in, getting ready for school (so I assume we were teenagers). As I came into my room from the bathroom, I saw her standing at my night table with my journal in her hands, reading as though it were just any book on the shelf.
I asked her what the hell she thought she was doing and snatched it out of her hands. She just sort of shrugged.
“You usually would have fought me for that,” she said, “Your writing, though! What’s wrong with you? It’s all cupcake writing.”
I didn’t know exactly what cupcake writing meant but I could feel the implications: trite, stupid, inconsequential, and it hurt. “Shut up and get out!”
Again, she just shrugged as though my privacy and my feelings really didn’t matter and strolled out of my room, grabbing her bag to head off to school.
= = = =
When I woke up, I felt really insulted. I know that my cousin didn’t actually say that but, still, it hurt. I take pride in my writing and enjoy pouring my thoughts on paper, even when it’s hard. Journaling helps to unburden me, helps me work things out in my mind to put in practice in my life. Blogging helps me share my writing in the hopes that it might interest and help someone else. Forgive me for indulging in a little bit of childishness but it’s not fair that, even if it is just in a dream, someone finds my personal thoughts and feelings just “cupcake writing”.
Believe you me, subconscious, my writing is anything but trite. Without it, you often don’t get a say, so…kindly shut up.