The Rest After the Step

It has been a long few weeks that have left me far more tired than I had anticipated. The biggest factor in this is something that I have told very few people about. Two weeks ago, I applied for a position outside of teaching. My husband heard about the posting from some of the ladies who work for the nonprofit that posted it (benefit of your office building sharing space with other groups). He then immediately passed it on to me, with the insistent assurance that I would be perfect for the position with my abilities and skill sets. At first, I was dubious, as I have been in the past, but I have deeply prayed over the past few years for God to show me the next chapter He has for me, to help me find my next right thing (thank you, Emily P. Freeman and Queen Anna!). So I decided that I would update my CV and send it in with a letter of interest. You guys, I cannot count how many revisions those two documents went through over those few days! I have always been a perfectionist when it comes to documentation like that; and it had been several years since I had even contemplated a position outside of teaching, so updates were definitely needed. When all was said and done, I said a prayer, clicked “Send” on the email, and that was it. Then I had to wait. So I waited. And waited. Then, all in a rush, I received an email last weekend saying that they would like to interview me over Zoom! We managed to wrangle a day and time that would work for everyone, mindful of time differences for those traveling, and so it went.

The interview went well, but, in the end, it turned out that the timing of the position just was not going to work out. They needed someone to be able to train and slide into the full-time position by the end of February, and I did not have peace about up and leaving my teaching position so suddenly and abruptly. I did not feel released to do that to my principal and students. So…needless to say, when they answered my question about the timing, I felt a sinking in my soul.

“Well, that means this interview is over,” I thought. But I still asked some questions about their nonprofit, in an effort to not have things end on an *extremely* awkward note. Just a moderately awkward one.

After the interview, I finished out my day, but, once the kiddo was in bed and Ben and I were alone, I flopped onto the floor with an “UGH!” that would have made Charlie Brown proud. When I was finally able to verbalize what I felt, I realized that I had become far more hopeful of that new position, that change, that new chapter, than I had realized. And I was disappointed. Disappointed that it wouldn’t work. Disappointed that I wouldn’t get to try something new. Disappointed that my stepping out in faith seemingly wouldn’t be rewarded.

As this week has gone on, however, I find a thought has been whispered to my mind and soul and repeated when I haven’t been looking.

“You have stepped. Now rest.”

Rest. It’s my word, my intention for the year. Rest. I stepped out in faith, praying for God to lead me aright. And He did. I stepped out in courage. Now I need to rest. 

Rest in gratitude that God kept His word to be with me and guide me. 

Rest in faith that He knows best. 

Rest in peace that where I am is my next right thing for now.

Rest in hope that, when another opportunity comes along, I will heed the call to step out again.

I have stepped; it was a lot of work–mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Now it is time for me to rest my feet, recover, and allow Him to refill those stores. There is another big week ahead, but, for now, this is my immediate next right thing. I even have a scratchy, tired voice to enforce it.



NaBloPoMo Day 5: Taking a Risk for an Ace

Evansville, all hail to thee.

True and loyal we will be.

And we’ll fight fight fight

With all our might.

Cheering with pep and vim for white and purple.

And with every victory

Our hearts with praise will fill.

And we’ll back you with a Rah rah rah!

All hail to our Evansville. UE!

I attended the University of Evansville and I am an Ace through and through. Yes, our mascot is a gambler and it’s rather apropos honestly. I have had to take some serious gambles, some risks in my lifetime. Risks with big payoffs.

I left home for college at seventeen, traveled thousands of miles away from home to attend, far from family, friends, or anyone I knew.

  • I had a wonderful four years at UE, learned from wonderful professors and mentors, made equally wonderful friends, and learned about myself and of what I am capable.

I married my first and only boyfriend, a man whom God brought into my life only days after telling God that I was done looking for myself, that I trusted Him to show me who He had for me.

  • I have never regretted that decision, not for one moment.   Not from the first conversation Ben and I had, complete with my food-flirting (stealing fries from Ben’s plate at DQ).

I decided to stay home with Elizabeth for the first year after she was born, giving up my job and our second paycheck to do so.

  • Things have been tight, yes, but I wouldn’t give up the milestones, the stories, the giggles, the cries, the snuggles, and the walks for anything; especially if this is the only year that I get to do so, as is often the way of the world we live in.

Life is full of risks, full of gambles, but I have been very blessed that the risks that I have taken have paid off and things have turned out well. And even if they don’t in the future, I know that I have family and loved ones to lean on and help me through it.