Month: December 2012

Walking Through Storms

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Pressing forward through the storm

This morning has been a very interesting one spiritually. As I’m sitting here listening to my Nichole Nordeman station on Pandora and reading in the book of Proverbs, I’ve noticed that a good number of the songs that come up refer to going through storms and hard times and looking to God through it all.

 

When it’s dark and it’s cold 
And I can’t feel my soul
You are so good
When the world is gone gray 
And the rain’s here to stay
You are still good (Nichole Nordeman “You Are Good”)

‘Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise (Laura Story “Blessings”)

Rather apropos, as there are indeed some storms in mine and my husband’s lives right now and I’m not just referring to my pregnancy. In all things, I’ve been very blessed with my daughter’s pregnancy thus far. Sure, I’m on bed rest right now but she is just fine, by all reports, and I couldn’t ask for more than that. I have some time to rest and my stress level has gone way down and for that I can only be thankful.

What is a storm for me is not being able to help when someone I love is suffering or going through a storm of their own. And when I say ‘help’, I mean actually do something to actually, physically affect the situation to make it better. I know that encouragement, understanding, love, and the like all help really but I am the type of person who wants to fix things, make them better, and, when I cannot, that makes me very sad. I know that my husband is going through some very, very difficult storms right now and it’s all I can do to hold onto him and let him know I’m there, the snow and rain feel so thick and pelt so hard that it hurts beyond words. I can’t see a way out of the storm but I can practically see his spirit and soul being trodden over and broken and I desperately want to stop it, to do something that will make it stop.

But I am not the one with the power over the storm. I am not the one who can command it to be still, or, if not, bring us through it still in tact, though perhaps not minus a few cuts and bruises. I am not the one who can give my darling husband the strength to keep walking, keep trudging, keep putting one foot in front of the other, even if he doesn’t know where it will lead. All I can do is hold tightly,  to his hand, give him all the warmth and love I can, and walk with him, trusting God to bring us through and show us the next step.

It’s all I can do. But if little penguins can make it through an antarctic blizzard and keep trudging forward, then surely God can help two young people hold onto each other and make it through one of life’s blizzard to whatever lies on the other side.

God,

I pray Your grace, strength, peace, and protection be over my husband today and every day, but especially in these moments amidst the storm. May he heart Your voice, feel Your touch, and know that he is not alone, not walking alone, even though things are very hard. Speak peace and reassurance to his heart today and may he feel You lifting the weight from his shoulders, even if just for a little while, Lord.

Thank You!

Amen

What on earth is “cupcake writing”?

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So I got out of bed around 5am, not that uncommon right now as I’m in my 3rd trimester and getting awfully close to having this baby. Having migrated to the couch and watched TV and surfed the internet for a while, I eventually fell asleep again, only to dream. In this dream, one of my many cousins and I were in the house that I grew up in, getting ready for school (so I assume we were teenagers). As I came into my room from the bathroom, I saw her standing at my night table with my journal in her hands, reading as though it were just any book on the shelf.

I asked her what the hell she thought she was doing and snatched it out of her hands. She just sort of shrugged.

“You usually would have fought me for that,” she said, “Your writing, though! What’s wrong with you? It’s all cupcake writing.”

I didn’t know exactly what cupcake writing meant but I could feel the implications: trite, stupid, inconsequential, and it hurt. “Shut up and get out!”

Again, she just shrugged as though my privacy and my feelings really didn’t matter and strolled out of my room, grabbing her bag to head off to school.

= = = =

When I woke up, I felt really insulted. I know that my cousin didn’t actually say that but, still, it hurt. I take pride in my writing and enjoy pouring my thoughts on paper, even when it’s hard. Journaling helps to unburden me, helps me work things out in my mind to put in practice in my life. Blogging helps me share my writing in the hopes that it might interest and help someone else. Forgive me for indulging in a little bit of childishness but it’s not fair that, even if it is just in a dream, someone finds my personal thoughts and feelings just “cupcake writing”.

Believe you me, subconscious, my writing is anything but trite. Without it, you often don’t get a say, so…kindly shut up.

My First Blog Award! Cool!

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liebster awardWhat a way to start the day. Yesterday, I was nominated for a Liebster Blog Award. It’s an award given to bloggers by bloggers, and it means as much as it does because it is from one of my best friends, the wonderful Courtney of Sycamore Grove. I heart her so very much! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

How It Works:

1. Add the award icon to your blog!

2. Link to your nominator to say thank you.

3. Each blogger should post 11 facts about themselves.

4. Answer the questions the tagger has set for you, & create 11 questions for your nominations to answer.

5. Choose 11 up-and-coming bloggers with less than 200 followers, go to their blog, and tell them about the award.

Facts About Me:

1. As of November 22, 2012, I have been with my husband for a grand total of 8 years (both dating and married). Hard to believe, honestly. I am so very blessed.

2. I am expecting my first child, a daughter, within the next 1.5 to 2 weeks.

3. I am an avid story/drama/imagination addict. I don’t know what my world would be like without Story.

4. I was born in Florida but grew up in the Caribbean, only to end up living in land-locked Indiana.

5.  I love Mad Men-era vintage clothing. I love feeling classy and classic. Can’t wait to get to the point when I can return to my dresses once my little lady is born.

6. I often fall in love with fictional characters and sometimes very, very hard. Most break my heart but some can never be tarnished.

7. I am two degrees from Mehcad Brooks (“True Blood” and “Necessary Roughness”).

8. I have a red Caliber named Calleigh Duquesne (I seriously couldn’t resist).

9. When I was in grad school, I was published in Parma Nole, the Journal of Heren Istarion: The Northeast Tolkien Society. Twice.

10. I started bellydancing in 2007 and have found a beauty and confidence in dance that I never imagined I could.

11. I love online RPGs. I currently play in two Hero System X-men games and have also built both Hogwarts and Fables forum-based rp games. LOVE IT!

My Answers:

1.Do you still think about your first love?

Yes, I do. At least he was what I could, at 14 years old, think  of as my first love. We’re friends on Facebook even. Not that he knows that I head over heels for him. LOL

2. What three people (alive, dead, or fictional) would you like to have lunch with?

Louisa May Alcott, my elder sister Jodi, and Queen Elizabeth I

3. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten?

Hmm. I honestly have no idea. Oh, wait. I tried some eel once when out to sushi with the hubby and his best friend. That was NOT pleasant.

4. What’s your favorite punctuation mark? Or grammatical rule?

I love hyphenated adjectives, honestly. For example: prettily-dressed, hurriedly-finished, hastily-improvised. They are such fun! ^_^

5. What’s your go-to way to pamper yourself?

Long, hot bath. Then I rub all over with a dark, spicy lotion (like Black Amethyst or Sensuality: Black Currant Vanilla from Bath and Body Works), massaging my neck, shoulders, and feet. Add a little purple satin nightie. Then crawl into bed with a good book.

6. In light of the Holiday Season, what’s your favorite family tradition?

Thanksgiving Day, after dinner, we all relax/doze on the couches and watch “White Christmas”, singing along together, of course.

7. Can you dance?

Yes, and rather well so I am told.

8. In the soundtrack of your life, what’s your theme song?

“I AM” by Nichole Nordeman

9. What do you want to be when you grow up?

At the risk of quoting my husband’s “girlfriend” Rachel Weiss, “I, sir, [want to be] a librarian!”

10. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?

I wouldn’t. I like it; it’s grown on me after 29 years.

11. Write your epitaph.

Don Pedro: Your silence most offends me, and to be merry best becomes you; for, out of question, you were born in a merry hour.

Beatrice: No, sure, my lord, my mother cried; but then there was a star danced, and under that was I born. (Much Ado About Nothing II.i.301-306)

My Questions:

1. What was your favorite story while growing up?

2. Do you play any instruments?

3. Do you dance when no one is watching?

4. If you could live in any historical era, what would it be?

5. What are you reading currently?

6. What subject would your friends consider you an expert on (social, academic, what have you)?

7. What is the pet that you ALWAYS wanted but was never able to get?

8. If you were a noble lord or lady, would your motto be?

9. What song automatically warms your heart when it starts to play?

10. Why are you so passionate about your blog?

My Nominations:

1. Louisa May Alcott Is My Passion

2. MadSilence

3. Historically Obsessed

4. 20-Something Bibliophile

5. Diary of a Book Addict