NaBloPoMo 2014 Day 4: Character Play


Here is a little character play that I did with some vampires, to see if they could capture me into telling their stories. They just might have.

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“Please, Val. Please!” The honeyed female voice skirted the border of whining as a pale young thing leaned her head on the knee of a man engaged in smoking a clove.

“I said no, Seph. You’re not ready,” was his taut reply as he exhaled a wreath of smoke about her silver-streaked head.

The sweetly whine came again. “But I’m hungry.”

A smooth ivory wrist was extended to her silently but, in a childlike tantrum, she pushed it away. “I don’t want to drink from you! I want to go out on my own!” The young woman leapt to her feet, standing over the reposed man, obviously her senior and steward. Her pretty face held a childish rage but suddenly softened as she spoke her thoughts.

“I want to walk through the night, feel the moonlight on my skin, and find some pretty young boy – one that can’t resist me – get him alone and have some fun. I want to feel what you feel, Valarn. I want to feel it warm and smooth in my mouth and sliding down my throat. Will you deny me that? I want to go.” She sank to her knees before him again, her eyes pleading.

Valarn looked down at her for a moment, having just taken a long drag from the clove. The cigarette was balanced perfectly between two long slender fingers, his elbow resting on the high arm of the Victorian sofa. His eyes were still, unemotional, unmoved as he looked at Sephira; then, without a word, he exhaled another plume of smoke, right into that cute little face of hers.

“No.”

The rage returned to Seph’s eyes and she raised her hand to slap that annoyingly-calm face but Valarn’s left hand gripped her wrist tightly, vise-like. She gave a little yelp and pulled, trying to get away and baring her fangs in anger.

“Let me go, Valarn! You can’t keep me in here forever!” she fumed.

Valarn simply rolled his eyes, strands of his golden hair falling before the sharp grey orbs. “Stop acting like a child, Sephie.”

But she just struggled all the more.

Finally, he did let her go, allowing her to stumble back and fall on her backside, crying angrily, the dark of her mascara making little black trails down her pallid cheeks. Then her eyes lit on a face beyond Valarn’s and he smiled, knowing exactly who was behind him.

“Jacob, you just missed a fabulous show. Seph was just telling me how eager and ready she is to be out and about,” Valarn’s tone was mocking and then grew cold. “Go to your room, Sephie-dear. I’ll deal with you later.”

She didn’t move.

“Now!”

Scrambling to her feet, Sephira stalked off down the corridor, the click of her spike heeled boots echoing off the walls.

“Why do you tease her, Val? I think she’s ready.” Jacob leaned on the back of the sofa.

Valarn put the clove out in his palm, watching it smolder and smoke. He then flicked that slender hand, tossing the ashes into the air. “That’s nice, Jacob But, unfortunately, you’re not her sire.” He stood. “I am. And I decide when she’s ready.” He walked slowly around the couch, his bare feet silent on the marble floor.

Jacob cast a glance back down the corridor where Seph had disappeared. Yes, she was Valarn’s “child” and Jacob must do his best to stay away until Valarn decided that she was “of age”. Until then, she would drink from him and stay indoors at night.

Valarn had many talents that his brood did not know about and so smiled to himself, his back to Jacob. He knew every thought that raced through the young vampire’s mind.

“Tell me, Jacob. I haven’t seen you on the hunt lately. Have you a blood doll that we don’t know about?” Val turned, leaning his hips against the elegant oak sideboard, a glass of white wine in his hand. His thin lips were half turned up in a curious, intruding smile. “Are you avoiding the streets, Jacob, my dear boy?”

Jacob’s eyes flitted away off to the side, dark green circles of truth. He never was a very good liar. He didn’t like to hunt that much and had found a pretty girl who suited his taste. He now kept her in his home, feeding from her when he needed to. Until she died, that’s what he would do.

Valarn tsk’ed. “My, my, my. Whatever would Sephira think if she knew you kept a blood doll? I think she looks up to you as the knightliest of vampires; it would be a shame to dash her fantasies like that.”

“Stop it, Valarn!” Jacob’s voice was far sharper than he had intended it to be.

Valarn turned from his prowl around the sofa that he had begun, staring back at Jacob. Emotion never flickered in his grey eyes, always stony, always calm. He sipped from his crystal flute and leaned a knee on the sofa.

“You see, Jacob? This is why she isn’t ready. Until Seph finds a better role model than you, I shan’t let her out. She is far too impressionable. She needs a stronger mentor. Like, oh say, Victoria.”

Come get the bait, little one.

“Victoria?!” Jacob snapped around at Valarn.

Caught!

Valarn nodded, sipping from the flute again. “Victoria.”

Jacob’s face looked just a shade paler, almost transparent.

Victoria, or Lathspell as some of them called her, was by far the most vicious of all their “family”. In fact, she had sired Jacob himself and he had come to hate her for her brutality in all aspects of life. Though Valarn was the strongest and, no doubt, the most dangerous of their little cohort, Lathspell was a force in and of herself. She had a pension for bloodlust that left no room for argument. She killed for pleasure, not just because she was hungry. Jacob had watched her torture cats and rats when pickings on the street were slim, or just to amuse herself. She loved to make her victims suffer. She had played around a good deal with Jacob himself before she’d embraced him. Only fear of Valarn’s wrath had kept him from killing her at the first chance presented to him.

Lathspell was the very epitome of sadistic malevolence. She was always thinking of new techniques to torture, pinning humans to hard board cards like so many insect specimens as she contemplated their fate. She had actually created a specimen case once, collecting quite a few different “species of kine” as she called them. It had been “great fun” in her mind and then she’d tossed them to Val’s dogs when she was done with them. “Doggy bags” she called them.

Yes, Jacob hated her and he hated that Val sought Victoria as a role model for little Sephie. But just what could he do about it?

Nothing, that was what.

NaBloPoMo 2014 Day 3: Hobbitish Lessons


In J.R.R. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings saga, Samwise Gamgee is gifted with a small carved box of soil from Lothlorien by Queen Galadriel, the Lady of Light. When he returned home to his beloved Shire, ravaged by Saruman and his minions, Sam opened the box and allowed a fair wind to carry the soil all throughout the Shire. The power inherent in that small patch of dirt returned the Shire to its former glory and more in time, even flourishing the next generation of hobbit children. It was Sam’s gift and blessing for his faithfulness.

On a shelf in my living room sits a round, hand-carved, wooden box. It was a gift from a dear friend and mentor, a token from her time on the mission field in Malawi, Africa. This friend also calls me her “Samwise”. When she gave me this box and called me her ‘dear Sam’, it made an indelible mark on my heart and soul. There has been many a time when I have sat, holding this box, mulling over something that was weighing on me – a decision to be made, a course of action to take, needed words to say. That box is my reminder that love, faithfulness, and willingness to carry our friends and do for others are part and parcel of, not only the Christian life, but should also be so of life, period. We are people built for interdependence, relationship, and those are built up by these tenets.

I want to live up to this blessed title gifted me by this dearest of friends. I want to be Samwise, not only for her, but for those whom I cross in the world – friend, family, acquaintance, and stranger. Uncle Gandalf does indeed say it quite succinctly:

NaBloPoMo 2014 Day 2: The Weight of Silence


Break_The_Silence_by_shutteIn Much Ado About Nothing, William Shakespeare touts silence as “the perfectest herald of joy” (Act II, Scene 1). And I would agree. There are moments that strike us speechless, unable to find the words to express just how happy, ecstatic, or joyful we are. However, I would dare to pose that the opposite is also true. Silence can also be the fiercest vehicle of despair. Silence can fill our ears, stab at our hearts, and wound our very souls.

That conversation that is ignored.

The letter/text/email that is never answered.

The invitation that is never accepted or extended.

The relationship/friendship that is never tended to.

The prayers that never seem to be answered.

The dreams that aren’t acknowledged.

The questions that are never answered.

The efforts that are not acknowledged

These silences are sharp and painful, the type that slice past our defenses and heap stones inside our chests. Everyone has experienced it at one time and in one form or another, and I have yet to find someone who doesn’t consider it one of the worst feelings/experiences in the world. No doubt about it, though, sometimes silence is…well, it’s just easier. Isolation and silence can protect us, keep us safe from rejection by keeping us from reaching out and putting ourselves in a vulnerable place. Silencing our voice can prevent discord, disharmony, and confrontation. Silence keeps our secrets, our weaknesses, our pains, our hearts from being revealed, judged, compared, thought foolish, stupid, or even just from being disagreed with too vehemently.

Silence may feel safer, yes, but, in the other hand, it can be soul-crushing. Silence in response to our putting ourselves out there, to stepping out in faith, to the putting forth of effort in whatever situation it may be, can breed doubt, hurt, and far worse, if we let it. Silence can fill our minds with conjectures, our imaginings in place of the truth that we do not know and cannot expect to learn. Ofttimes, those thoughts, worries, and conjectures are far worse than what the truth might actually be, but those are the stones that are weighted into our chests and press on our hearts. Sometimes, though, silence is our cue to step back, to let go. But that can be just as difficult and heartbreaking. Letting go can feel suspiciously like giving up, which no one likes to admit to. I certainly don’t. But the other option is to give and reach until we give out or break.

I do not have a remedy for this. No magical words to make it better or easier. I haven’t figured anything out. Emotions and feelings cannot be cordoned off, magicked away, though they can be understood, commiserated, sympathized, and empathized with. Whether you choose to step forward or back is up to you. You may gain, or you may lose. Your way out of the silence is your way, no one else’s. I hope that you find it, and that it is good.

NaBloPoMo 2014 Day 1: My Hallmark Moments


You know those Hallmark commercials? The ones that make you cry? Yeah, those. Those were made for people like me. Because right after those commercials (or before or during or whatever), I immediately want to run out to Hallmark and stock up on greeting cards. One of the things that I enjoy almost as much as sending cards, is buying cards. I have five boxes full of stationary and cards and whatnot, all waiting to be sent. But I cannot explain to you the particular fun and joy that I experience when looking for and finding a card that says exactly what I would like to say, even if I don’t know exactly to whom just yet.

My first stationary box was actually from Hallmark. When I was in college 10+ years ago, Hallmark ran a promotion where you received a card organizer box if you bought seventy-five dollars’ worth of greeting cards. And that was remarkably easy for me. I cannot tell you how thrilled I was to be able to put my newly-bought cards into that box, mostly settled in the “Just Because” section. Over the years, I have kept that box and still use it to this day. It still carries my all of my Hallmark-bought cards, cards that speak my heart and thoughts so eloquently, even though I am not sure to whom I will be sending those cards just yet. The fact that they are there, waiting to be sent to just the right person (at what I hope is the right time), makes me smile and want to hurry that day along.

 

On the Eve of NaBloPoMo


Last year, I participate in National Blog Post Month, of course, piggybacking off National Novel Writing Month. Whether or not NaBloPoMo is actually in November or not, I’m going to do it in November this year again anyway. I am hoping that this exercise will get me back into a habit of writing and blogging often. Lately, I have felt stunted, like that bridge between my mind and the physical act of writing has been broken somehow or, at least, that it has several boards or pylons missing at the moment. I am hoping that doing this, committing myself to posting something here every day, will help me find a way to fix that bridge and enjoy writing again.

And I hope that you, dear readers, will find something to enjoy about it, too. 🙂

Boys and Girls of Every Age…


…would you like to hear something strange?

I am not a fan of Halloween.

Nope. Not really. Believe me, I’m all for candy; and I love costuming. But…no, I am not a huge fan of Halloween or trick-or-treating or It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. (Apologies if I upset you with that.) It wasn’t a common thing in my family household so I didn’t grow up with it as tradition. Sure, I’ll put Elizabeth in her little “Happy Halloween” shirt tomorrow, and, if she wants to participate in the future as she gets older, we will help her along with it. Right now, though, she’s barely two years old and Halloween this year will be COLD so I am not bothering carting her around in a costume and coat. I will leave out chocolate-covered pretzels for the neighborhood kids, Elizabeth with her grandparents, and I will go out for a nice dinner and quality time with some friends. That will be my Halloween.

And I’m all for that.

Reflection: Unglued Devotional by Lysa TerKeurst


“My Creative Best” – page 132

“A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.” – Proverbs 14:30

“We get empty when we park our minds on comparison thoughts and wallow in them. […] No jealous thought is ever life-giving. Wallowing in jealous thoughts actually leads to death. Death of contentment. Death of friendships. Death of peace. And certainly death of joy.” – page 133

I really appreciate Lysa’s take on jealousy. Jealousy can cause emptiness in my soul through wanting “it” – whatever I think will make me happy or satisfied at the time – and when others get “it”, it causes my heart to hurt, which can easily lead me into a trap of jealousy. In response to jealousy, though, Lysa notes Galatians 6:4-5, which admonishes:

“Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load.”

This means that I should focus on reasons to celebrate what I have and what I am doing right (page 134, emphasis added). God has a creative best for my life, a plan for me to accomplish. I don’t want to waste my life and energy wishing for someone’s else’s life or blessings. As Lysa reminds herself when she feels jealous, I am not equipped to handle the good and bad of someone else’s life, and it is always a package deal with both. My life is what I have been equipped to handle. “All the things I have and don’t have are what make up the unique load I have been assigned. (page 135)”

 

When You Wish Not to Dream


I don’t often post about my dreams but this one has managed to stick with me, whereas that is far from the norm. Most of my dreams evaporate even before my eyes open, once my mind is woken from sleep, regardless of how detailed or long they have lasted throughout the night. Not this one. This one I remember just about every details, every emotion, and that might be because this was a nightmare.

I stood in line with Elizabeth at bakery or a deli, waiting for our turn to order and pick up what we wanted. Behind me, a man started to play with my hair, pick at it, saying I had “nits” in my hair. I was extremely uncomfortable and turned, telling him not to please not touch me. He just grinned in an unsettling way and reached for my hair again, which garnered a more forceful, “Don’t touch me!” A good Samaritan standing nearby interjected, reiterating to the man who I had said not to touch him. When the offender, simply shook him off and turned for me again, the man trying to help grabbed him up by the collar, dragging him from the line and away from me. I grabbed hold of Elizabeth’s stroller and tried to get out of there; I was scared, no doubt.

The first man, however, shoved off my defender and pulled out a weapon, a gun, which immediately set the store into a panic! I huddled in a corner near the door, covering Elizabeth in her stroller with my own body. I felt like I was drowning, my heart was pounding so fast and I was so afraid. The man with the gun grabbed another nearby woman. Holding her as a hostage and shield and pointing the gun at those gathered in the store, he ordered that everyone was to get down, no one was to call the police, and he was leaving. As they backed out the door, I clung to Elizabeth’s stroller for dear life, trembling. I heard him stop next to where I was crouched near the door, mutter something intelligible, and then the gun fired. And I screamed. I can still hear my scream, can still feel the bullet tear and burn through my lower back again and again.

I awoke in a fright, sitting up in bed. I turned towards Elizabeth’s room but hearing no disturbance there, I rolled over and grasped my husband and just cried, forcing myself to stay awake for as long as I could manage before exhaustion claimed me again. All day, that horrific nightmare has stuck with me. I can still hear myself screaming, I can still feel the burning pain in my lower back. It’s the only dreams lately that I have had that I can remember, and I really, really wish I could forget it.

Maybe writing it down here isn’t necessarily conducive to forgetting but I am trying to exorcise this from my brain so, hopefully, I can get some relief from it.

Stories Within Stories: Bilbo’s Last Journal Entry


:Property of Melissa Snyder, based on the creations of J.R.R. Tolkien:

Bilbo’s Last Journal Entry
~
September 9, Shire Year 1419

Only 13 more days to go until my 129th birthday; I’ll pass the Old Took yet, by thunder! Hard to believe time has just run on by, though it does seem to stand still here in Rivendell.
It has been nearly a year now since Frodo has been gone from the Shire, if my calculations serve me correctly. My dear, dear lad. Whomever would have thought him to be a Ringbearer? I am sorry from the top of my curly head to the tips of my wooly toes that my nephew had to bear such a burden that has, assuredly, left him scarred forever. But, from what I hear tell, he got the job done as sure as he’s a Baggins!
Messengers brought word today. Lord Elrond returns, but he does not travel alone. Gandalf, Frodo, and Company are also on their way to Rivendell. It will be good to see them. I am ready to hear new tables and old Gandalf’s voice again and also to have an extra pair of hands for a while. My book is in need of revision and Frodo must do it, for my hand now shakes and my eyes fade. I am feeling ever so much thinner and stretched out than I did 18 years ago, when Gandalf first arrived in Hobbiton for my eleventieth. I have enjoyed my holiday but am now in need of a very long rest. Where or when, I am not sure, but soon. Soon.
I doubt that I will enter my journal again, as I grow older by the minute, but I shall equal the Old Took yet. I have trouble remembering now and all such things. So now the task falls to Frodo, that none may forget what has happened to us Bagginess. So, good-bye, my friend, and I bid you a very fond farewell.

Mr. Bilbo Baggins, formerly of Bag End, Hobbiton, The Shire

Stories within Stories: Arwen’s Search


Author’s Note: This is from a collection of stories that I wrote years ago, based on and to fill in some of the gaps in Tolkien’s masterpiece The Lord of the Rings.

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Arwen’s Search

Lord Elrond Half-elven seemed disturbed and worried; his daughter Arwen Evenstar perceived his mood and came to his side.

“Father, what ails you? Is all well?” she questioned him quietly.

Elrond shook his head gravely. “Nay, daughter. Something bodes ill in the forests beyond Bruinen. Aragorn should have arrived with the hobbits by now. I fear the Black Riders have waylaid him somehow.”

Arwen sensed the urgency of the situation. Her heart feared for Aragorn’s safety and for those whom he protected. “I will go and search for them, Father.”

“No. I have already sent Glorfindel upon Asfaloth; he will find them speedily. We must make ready in case someone of their party is wounded.” With these words, Lord Elrond left the room but Arwen remained, struggling with her heart and her desire to obey her father. Finally, her heart won out.

Going to her chamber, she clothed herself in gray, drawing a dark hood over her fair head. Taking up her sword, she slipped out to the stables and, mounting the horse Delathena, rode out of Rivendell and into the forests of Middle-earth.

~

For two days, she searched and searched tirelessly, catching sight of five Ringwraiths upon their black steeds. But there was no sign of Aragorn and his Halfling companions. Soon, heartsick, she turned towards Rivendell again.

“I hope Glorfindel found them,” was her heart’s prayer.

No sooner had she crested the hill beyond the river Bruinen than the thunder of hooves reached her sharp ears. Suddenly, Asfaloth burst from the trees and galloped across the river, a smallish figure upon his back! He paused on the opposite shore and Arwen’s spirit cringed as the terrible voices of the Nine cried out to Asfaloth’s rider.

“Come back with us, Frodo! Come back with us to Mordor!” they shrieked.

Arwen then realized that Asfaloth’s rider was a Halfling! In fact, he was the very Halfling that she had been seeking.

She saw the brave little creature draw his sword, warding the Wraiths back fiercely and desperately.

“Go back!” he cried. “Go back to the Land of Mordor, and follow me no more!”[1] But his strength waned. He was injured! Seeing his weakness, the Riders began to advance upon him!

Suddenly, words flowed from Arwen’s lips, stirring the air with Rivendell’s power.

Nîn o Chithaeglir

lasto beth daer.

Rimmo nîn Bruinen

dan in Ulaer.

Suddenly, the currents of Bruinen began to swell as a wall of water rushed over the Black Riders, sweeping them away! Arwen watched them for a moment but then quickly dismounted Delathena and ran to Frodo, who had finally succumbed to his weakness and fallen from Asfaloth’s saddle!

She cradled the hobbit in her arms, seeing that he was slipping from this world. Gathering him up, she mounted Asfaloth this time, for he was the swifter horse, and raced to her father’s house.

Noro lim, Asfaloth!”

The Elvish horses ran rapidly and soon arrived at Elrond’s house in the valley where Arwen sprang from the saddle and rushed into the bright hall with Frodo.

“Father! Father!”

Lord Elrond appeared with none other than Gandalf the Grey at his side. Elrond took the hobbit and they retreated to the east wing to care for him.

Arwen watched them disappear down the hall and then turned at the nearby voice of her brother Elorhir. “You may have saved the Halfling’s life, sister. You may have saved us all.”

She glanced at him with a worried look in her bright eyes. “I only hope so, my brother. I only hope so.” With that, she pulled the dark hood from her head and moved towards her chambers.

 

Two days later, Arwen heard that Frodo was awake and progressing well. This relieved her heart’s ache of fear for the brave hobbit. She gathered bouquets of elanor for his room every morning whilst he remained abed and even paid him a visit or two herself, when he was well enough to receive visitors. It seemed to brighten both their spirits, for he enjoyed her company very much and his regaining health pleased her.

One eve, all gathered for a merry supper. Arwen sat beside Frodo with Sam ever vigilant at his other hand and Gandalf across from them, Aragorn—known to his Halfling friends as Strider—at his side. Throughout supper, there was much lively chatter, songs, and stories. Frodo spoke quite a bit with Lady Arwen, Sam, and Gandalf but, after a while, the Lady dropped from conversation with the hobbits and wizard and exchanged a few words with Aragorn. Frodo’s alertness was fast returning and he noticed certain looks and manners with which Arwen and Aragorn regarded each other, even a secretive smile gracing either of their commanded countenances for a fleeting moment.

Leaning towards Sam, he whispered, “Are Strider and the Lady Arwen in love?”

Sam snuck a peek around his friend. “Aye, Mr. Frodo, I believe they are. Though they don’t fully act it in public.”

Frodo just smiled and enjoyed the peace of the moment, for—though unbidden and undesired—the next day was to bring a most tumultuous year into his life. A year that would change the world as they all knew it.

[1] The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring by J.R.R. Tolkien, page 241.