Last Friday, I had my first prenatal appointment. Oh, for those of you who don’t know, I’m about three months pregnant. My new OBGYN is very nice, I like her. I got go through all the mortification of a pelvic and breast exam, but we also got to hear the baby’s heartbeat. It was loud and strong. I know that made Ben feel really good, to know that something is actually there. That it’s not a mistake or a fluke or anything like that. I would hate to have done something like that to him with my body.
Yesterday was rough for me. I was tired and moody (read: angry, annoyed, teary) and I hated every minute of it. The cookout with Ben’s parents was nice and I got a few quiet minutes with Ben by the fire after they left, before we put it out. And I apologized to him for my moodiness that day. I think part of me what overwhelmed with what he wanted to do; he’s looking into getting a new vehicle, something with 4-wheel drive, since the baby will be born in mid-winter. That, along with needing to get our Caliber fixed and the possibilities of renovations to the house for the baby…the money involved in all of this scares me a bit. I’m doing my best to take it one day at a time, but I think yesterday I was dealing with just being scared and overwhelmed by it all.
We’re having a baby! Ben had his freak-out moment last night when we went to bed, which caused me to start a bit, too. Though he made me chuckle, saying, “No, this is my freak-out moment. We can’t both freak out at the same time. You be encouraging.” He has been encouraging and gentle through my every freak-out moment since we found out, many of which have been accompanied by tears. They aren’t nearly as explosive now but that nervousness, that worry never actually leaves. I just hope the old wives’ tales aren’t true and it doesn’t affect the baby.