happiness

What is Saving My Summer Life 2026

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As summer deepens with the beginning of July, here are some of the sun-bright glimmers that are saving my life and refreshing my soul.

🫰🏽Pursuit of Jade (2026, Netflix)

Based on the popular Chinese historical romance web novel Zhu Yu, written by Tuan Zi Lai Xi, Pursuit of Jade is a sweeping, elegant, costume drama that dropped onto Netflix back in March. There are 40-episodes in this story, which I finished less than 24 hours ago as of the time of this writing. I have to admit that I have never—and I mean NEVER—watched anything as romantic as this series, with the exception of the gorgeous anime My Happy Marriage (which is its own enthralling, beautiful love story). Pursuit of Jade is brilliantly acted (Zhang Linghe’s subtle yet powerful expressions make me fall in love every time he’s on screen, and Tian Xiwei is the most stunning woman I have ever seen in her ability to portray both outward and inward beauty and warmth); gorgeously set and dressed (I have seen full-budget films that weren’t half as beautiful and detailed); and full of characters that you love and love to hate, along with plot twists that will make your head spin. I have always loved wuxia (martial heroes) epics, ever since Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon ushered in a beautiful era of Chinese film on the American markets. Among my favorites are: Hero, Fearless, House of Flying Daggers, and Curse of the Golden Flower. So, if you are looking for an at-home cinematic experience this summer, I highly suggest that you invest the time and effort into Pursuit of Jade. Trust me, subtitles are not that scary. And they are worth the story.

🫰🏽Extended Friend Time

For two weekends in a row, I was able to spend time with two besties that I absolutely DO NOT get enough of. Allison—a dear friend of fifteen years—stayed over while she was participating in a Disney’s Lorcana TCG tournament/convention downtown, and it was brilliant to get to indulge in extra-long couch time with her over those days. I also got to rejoice with her in her game goodies, autographs, pictures, and loot haul from the tournament, which is ALWAYS a good time!

The following weekend, Michele, another bestie (former teaching colleague), joined me for not one but TWO k-pop events. If you do not know what k-pop is, Google is very helpful. ^_~ Thursday night, we couch-rotted, caught up, and watched the Kingdom: Legendary War Korean music survival show (watching a bunch of talented men cheer and encourage each other on in their art/passion/careers was so very healing!). Then, early Friday morning, we trekked out to Barnes and Noble for a pop-up event for the release of Ateez’s new mini-album “Golden Hour: Part 5”! It was so very much fun to meet other fans in line, hear their stories, get our merch, and then sit down in the cafe with other fans to unbox and trade/share all our goodies. The excitement and joy were just palpable, and it made my heart so happy to be in the midst of it! Exuberant things like that are what the world needs more of. I got utterly lost in the wondrous chaos both in person and online surrounding the album release, and it was the greatest of highs! 

The following day, we ventured to another pop-up store event. We weren’t entirely sure that we had the right place at first, as we got there early and it was a beauty supply shop. But as soon as it turned 9am, my Kiddo leapt out of the car, hurrying us adults up with, “It’s open! Let’s go!” So, of course, in we went. The pop-up was indeed there, and it was awesome!  We were the first ones in the door and there was so much stuff to browse through! I built up my Ateez photocard collection a bit more, and the Kiddo started their own collection of photocards with some of their favorite groups, along with getting some BTS Jimin/Chimmy merch. The Korean gentleman running the pop-up was so fun and very kind! He spoke to everyone, danced with people, and was giving great discounts and “sneaking” us freebies with a wink and a “Shh!” like he was everyone’s Ahjeo-ssi (“uncle”) giving us candy.  Needless to say, those were two very stupendous and deeply-needed weekends! More of that joy, please.

🫰🏽Fangirling

Both categories so far have hit on this, but I shall say it plainly: I am loving being a fangirl again! I am loving diving into fun things, beautiful stories, amazing music, and stunning (and stunningly-talented) people. It is different now than when I was a teenager but I am having a stellar time nonetheless. Also, it is good for me!

In the abstract to her paper Fantastic: Exploring the Intermedial Productivity of the Fangirl, Innes Seggie of the University of Edinburgh presented the following to The Kyoto Conference on Arts, Media & Culture in 2024 (definition note: “affect” in this context refers to an observable emotional response or outward display of feeling): 

“Fandoms serve as a rich site to examine intermedial play in modern culture, with fans engaging with and creating new, media-hybrid products that honour, subvert, and/or expand source material. While the body serves as both site and tool for this work, such productivity is only considered valuable and legitimate if conducted by a certain type of body – one detached from emotion and non-threatening to white, heteronormative, ableist, patriarchal society. The fangirl has long been condemned as a bad cultural producer with bad taste, too emotional to engage with or create worthwhile products. However, I argue that the fangirl’s productivity challenges the assumed hierarchical divide between logic and emotion that dominates Western theory. Using my own affected [emotionally impacted] responses as a starting point and focusing on fan edits, choreography videos, and concert films in the BTS and Taylor Swift fandoms, I combine personal experiences of fandom with academic research to examine the impact intermedial play has on the fangirl as both consumer and creator. My approach applies recent intermedial theory to current fan studies research and feminist analysis in order to understand the 21st century viewer from a more encompassing, multimedia perspective. Additionally, this autoethnographic method demonstrates the value (and presence) of affect in academic work first-hand. This exploration ultimately concludes that the fangirl actively uses affect in fan productivity to articulate identity and build community and thus demonstrates the value of emotion and affect in rational thought as it is a fundamentally embodied process.”

So, if you find my fangirling offensive because I am apparently a whole grown woman in my forties, then, darling, I might dare to suggest that you stop finding me. Much love to you!

Otherwise, rejoice with me! It’s not just “fangirling” that is good for our collective well-being, development of self and community, and productivity, but fan engagement of any sort and by any gender. Example: my darling Ben is currently reliving his glory days of Nintendo with our new Switch 2 and his GameBoy-style emulator. I am encouraging it, because it brings him joy in a world that can so often grind him down. And, as I said before, we need more of joy. So go enjoy what you enjoy, love what you love, and fangirl away!

🫰🏽Gym Days

The Kiddo decided that they want to build their upper-body strength this summer, and, as they are now old enough to come as a guest on my membership, we have been making trips to the gym together about three times a week. I am also working on my health and fitness so it is nice to have a partner in that, at least for the summer months. We shall see how the Kiddo feels about continuing once the school year starts back up. But, for now, it’s great.

One day is for cardio, either on the treadmill at the gym or walking around the neighborhoods if the weather is good. Then, the other two days are for strength training. Kiddo has their favorite machines they like to work on, but I am also teaching them how to/making them use free weight exercises, as well as some machines that are very much not their favorites. It’s all a process, but I am glad to go on this journey with them with whatever guidance and partnership I can offer.

🫰🏽Mood Reading

I have been very “bouncy” with my books of late, shifting from one to another as my mood shifts. I’m usually reading two books at once, sometimes three. Right now, I am reading: The Other Bennet Sister by Janice Hadlow, Behind Five Willows by June Hur, and Break My Rules by Siena Hart, and they are all very different books. The first two are, funnily enough, both inspired by Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, one literally being a sequel of sorts to the story and the other a tale of censorship and social expectations set in Joseon Dynasty Korea. But I am enjoying giving myself permission and freedom to float around in my reading. I am not putting too much stock on how many books I finish this summer, but, rather, trying to just enjoy the ride of each day. If I read a lot, great. If I read a little, that’s also great. It is an enjoyment, not a job. A delight, not a designated task. I am trying to concentrate my summer days on relaxation and rejuvenation, not bragging rights. So far, that’s proven to be the right path for me. So I think I will walk it a little while longer.

As the summer deepens with the oncoming holiday and hotter weather, may you find those golden hour glimmers that are saving your lives, dear ones. And if anything I have noted here might be of help or joy to you, please feel free to steal it for yourself. Whatever enables you to live joyfully and presently in this world, enjoying what happinesses you can find for just what they are. As Becky Chambers wrote in her beautiful novel A Psalm for the Wild-Built: 

“You keep asking why your work is not enough, and I don’t know how to answer that, because it is enough to just exist in this world and marvel at it. You don’t need to justify that, or earn it. You are allowed to just live.”

🫰🏽 I hope that you can just live this summer, darlings. Take that drive, take that nap, enjoy an hour with your book or game or TV show, linger over that lunch or dinner with a friend, go see that movie you’ve been looking forward to. Just because it makes you happy. Go save your life this summer. 

What is Saving My Winter Life 2026

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Books (as always) ~ ~ Stories are my constant companions, and I do my best to end each day with some quiet, relaxed reading time before laying myself down to sleep. Lately, I have been enjoying shorter literary adventures, such as Cinder House by Freya Markse, The Rainfall Market by You Yeong-Gwang, and The Vanishing Cherry Blossom Bookshop by Takuya Asakura. These books are all around 200 pages but contain stories that are enchanting and soul-soothing, reminding me in the midst of all the sharp edges of the world that there is still good and sweetness, hope and compassion. That is not to say that I have given up on longer novels (Heaven forfend!) but reading these sweet shorter ones has been not only fun but has offered a surprising sense of accomplishment in finishing and, sometimes, passing on these stories to students and friends. I am keeping my eyes open for more startlingly delightful little reads as I move throughout the year.

Kpop/Ateez ~ ~

Like a good deal of the western world, I was thrown full throttle into kpop this summer with Netflix’s Kpop Demon Hunters and my child’s obsession became a shared one. I had been aware of kpop before then, of course, but I really did not listen to music beyond musicals often enough at the time to become a fan. Now, though, I proudly call myself a baby Atiny (a fan of the kpop group Ateez). Having grown up a loyal devotee of the Backstreet Boys and *NSYNC, it’s FUN to be a new fangirl again! I’m enjoying learning songs and dances and watching way more videos and footage of the group than I ever had access to my first time around the fangirl circuit. The music, the dancing, the energy, and the sweet humanity of the group–along with one of my besties’ love for them and her enthusiastic feeding of my interest–makes me happy in a way I well remember from my teenage years. I love it when music makes me dance in my seat or bounce down the sidewalk, and Ateez definitely does that. So, thank you, Mingi, San, Hongjoong, Wooyoung, Yeosang, Seonghwa, Yunho, and Jongho, for such tangible and visceral joy in these dark winter days. May this new Lunar New Year bring you blessings, joy, and prosperity as you move forward on your paths, whatever they may hold. 🧧

Naps 😴 ~ ~ You probably know by now that I am in a committed relationship with naptime. I absolutely cherish stretching out on my couch with a calm ambiance video playing in the background and my cat Jack a reassuring weight on my legs. I love putting my book down to doze off, so relaxed that it just feels like the logical next step. That blessed sense of being safe and comfortable, being able to let my guard down and set things aside freely for a while to refill my body’s cup and energy with the rest that I need. Speaking of which…I think my couch is calling me again.

I wish you a cozy rest of your winter, Dear Ones. 🩷

When a Smile is Needed

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It’s the Thursday of Spring Break. Only a few more days of relative freedom. So why am I smiling, you ask? Because I NEED to smile. This week has been gray and largely low-feeling, especially at night. Not the best headspace for Spring Break. I’m off but everyone else is not. There are responsibilities that keep us at home and unable to drive to/stay out late with friends of an evening. Grading waits menacingly on my kitchen table like a sword of Damocles dangling over my head. So I NEED to smile today. I need to remember the good.

*My daughter in my floppy sunhat and her heart-shaped sunglasses ready for her “beach party” at preschool

*Kisses and “I love you’s” from my husband

*Unexpected, wonderful time with friends

*Reading, writing, and nap time in a quiet house

*Often-read Scripture verses touching my heart with new relevance and encouragement

*Rain pattering on my window panes and thunder growling and purring through the clouds

Today I need to remember the good. Today I need to smile. Today I need to choose the good, choose contentment. Today I need determination over motivation. Happiness is not just a happening today; today it needs to be a decision, a choice for me.

So here’s a smile. I hope it helps yours along, too, dear one.

 

The Tiredness of Happy

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GenCon 2015 is over and I am now home, preparing to re-enter life as normal.

But last night! Oh, last night! I was “on” last night and determined to have as much fun as possible. I was bubbly, chatty, laughing, dancing, and just general energetic, especially after playing a fairly serious and controlled character in Werewolf for several hours. When we got back to our hotel in the wee hours of the morning, I found myself heaving a heavy sigh (not sad, just heavy) as we climbed into bed, saying to my husband, “No wonder I was always so tired after game.”

He nodded. “It takes a lot of energy to be ‘on’ for a long period of time.”

“Yeah. Being happy makes you tired.”

What I mean by this is: allowing yourself to be happy and energetic can really take it out of you. We, as human beings, are often trained to temper our energy, our happiness, and our joy. We are taught, and we tell others, to “calm down”, “rein it in”, etc. So much so that, when we do allow ourselves to expend that happy energy, we can sometimes be a bit out of practice and quite winded afterward. As I think about last night, watching a friend pelt around the LARP room after a tennis ball that was the absolute center of his character’s happiness only to comment, “I need to sit down, I’m tired”, I really do think it’s true. It takes energy to be happy because, I believe, when we expend the energy to be happy, we are not only spending that energy ourselves. We are giving and gifting that energy to other people. We are sharing our smiles, our laughter, our happiness, our energy with them.

I have been approaching happiness lately as something that is a choice rather than merely a feeling. I can choose to be content with my lot in life while still keeping my dreams. I can choose to let the small things roll off and not make anthills into mountains. I can choose to find the beauty in the ordinary. I can choose to share as much encouragement and edification with the world as I possibly can. I am choosing to share as much positivity, light, and love with the world as I possibly can.

But, yes, the active expulsion of the energy that it takes to be happy can leave us tired but ultimately satisfied. I had several goals for myself this weekend, the main of which was to allow myself to be happy, bold, and have fun. I am glad to say that I accomplished that goal, and I hope that I gave some of that energy to other people. I pulled people along in my happy (and was pulled along in my turn) to dance, laugh, and be silly. Today, my legs ache, but I walked over nine or ten miles over the past two and a half days and saw lots of friends and interesting strangers, which is awesome! This morning, I still had a slight headache from the music last night, but I got to do the cha-cha slide with some awesome folks, and getting up early meant that I got to spend some nice pre-departure time with others. My muscles ache from laughing and running and dancing, but I was able to share those full belly laughs, those joyous runs down the hall, and dancing just because it felt good to move. And that was definitely worth going to bed tired. It will always be worth going to bed tired.

The Beatific Smile of Melody

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A friend recently asked me what makes me happy, what always brings a smile to my face. The first thing that popped into the forefront of my mind was music. Music has always made me happy. I once said, in answer to a question, that I would rather suddenly blind than deaf because I cannot imagine a world without music.

Music taps into my emotional core. Like movies, I do not listen to music, I inhabit it. Lyrics strike my heart, make it warm or break, make me smile and cry. Stories write themselves around the lyrics, memories thread their way through the melody, hopes for the future flow over the bridge. Music impacts me the way that few other mediums do.  I hear my thoughts, my fears, my life, my self reflected in music. It can express me better than I ever could, but a soundtrack of me would take forever to compose, I think. I obviously don’t know a song’s impact until I heard it/read the lyrics, but, when the moment is gone, I might forget it for a while.  Then I will randomly hear it again and be flush with those emotions once more.

Music makes me giggle and blush, dance and cry. It makes my heart soar and my stomach crash. But, more often than not, music makes me smile. Whether I’m singing it, playing it on the piano or flute, or listening on the radio or my iPhone, music is melodic joy to me. It speaks my heart, stories my life, and I love it.

Quasi-Daily Writing: February 16, 2012 – Another Apple, Another Point of Bliss

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So I guess I really am an apple-for-the-teacher kind of girl. I made myself as cute as can be to the cafeteria ladies today to beg an apple from the service container waiting for the 6th graders after I finished 7th grade lunch duty (why DO the youngest children eat last, I wonder?). I bit into it and that cold sweetness burst in my mouth, causing a dumb grin on my face, I just know it. There’s something about a sweet, chilled apple that just makes me happy and relaxed and cool and…ahhhhh!

And I needed that moment today. It’s not been a particularly difficult one, just busy and tiring and worrisome. All I want to do is crawl back into bed and sleep away the rest of the day. It may be the grey skies, it may be the rain, but something is pulling me down, trying to curl around me and keep me there with it. Hopefully, it won’t.